Male Abuse Awareness – survivors of abuse speaking out

How does abuse affect men?

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

Effects of abuse are devastating

“At night I no longer dreamed, nor did I let my imagination work during the day. The once vibrant escapes of watching myself fly through the clouds in bright blue costumes, were now a thing of the past. When I fell asleep, my soul became consumed in a black void. I no longer awoke in the mornings refreshed; I was tired and told myself that I had one day less to live in this world. I shuffled through my chores, dreading every moment of every day. With no dreams, I found that words like hope and faith were only letters, randomly put together into something meaningless – words only for fairy tales. ”
Dave Pelzer,  A Child Called “It”

“Inside, my soul became so cold I hated everything. I even despised the sun, for I knew I would never be able to play in its warm presence. I cringed with hate whenever I heard other children laughing, as they played outside. My stomach coiled whenever I smelled food that was about to be served to somebody else, knowing it wasn’t for me.”
Dave Pelzer, A Child Called “It”

We must understand that those who experience abuse as children, and particularly those who experience incest, almost invariably suffer from a profound sense of guilt and shame that is not meliorated merely by unearthing memories or focusing on the content of traumatic material. It is not enough to just remember. Nor is achieving a sense of wholeness and peace necessarily accomplished by either placing blame on others or by forgiving those we perceive as having wronged us. It is achieved through understanding, acceptance, and reinvention of the self.
Cameron West, First Person Plural: My Life as a Multiple

“Chosen Ignorance” – people with the luxury of pretending abuse isn’t there

“Chosen Ignorance” – society’s denials of certain types of abuse

In the 1980s, research on post traumatic stress disorder in Vietnam veterans was regarded as important, noble, and useful. When the same researchers looked at the same problem in children who had been sexually abused, a tremendous controversy ensued a controversy that persists to this day. There were those who disputed the extent and severity of the sexual abuse that had been uncovered.
― Patrick J. Carnes, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred

You can travel the world but If you cannot let go of the past, you will never move on.

Gerald Freeman, Kill Daddy (child sexual abuse survivor)

I would give anything to be someone who this has not happened to

I hope you see what you’ve done to me.  Matthew Little, Hell in a Basket (confessional poetry)

We are so used to our own history, we do not see it as remarkable or out of the ordinary, whereas others might see it as horrendous. Further, we tend to minimize that which we feel shameful about.
― Patrick J. Carnes, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred

Recovery and Healing

“There’a a phrase, “the elephant in the living room”, which purports to describe what it’s like to live with a drug addict, an alcoholic, an abuser. People outside such relationships will sometimes ask, “How could you let such a business go on for so many years? Didn’t you see the elephant in the living room?” And it’s so hard for anyone living in a more normal situation to understand the answer that comes closest to the truth; “I’m sorry, but it was there when I moved in. I didn’t know it was an elephant; I thought it was part of the furniture.” There comes an aha-moment for some folks – the lucky ones – when they suddenly recognize the difference.”
Stephen King, former alcohol & addict

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.”
Stephen King, Different Seasons

Even in its darkest passages, the heart is unconquerable – Dale Pelzer

It is important for people to know that no matter what lies in their past, they can overcome the dark side and press on the a brighter world. ― Dave Pelzer, A Child Called “It”

Don’t judge yourself by what others did to you.
C. Kennedy

Related articles

• How do men child abuse survivors cope? Do they dissociate? (traumadissociation.wordpress.com)
• Survivor poetry (traumadissociation.wordpress.com)
• It happens to men too… (survivorstothrivers.com)
• Myths About Male Abuse – – Remember Men Are Victims of Abuse, Just Like Women (nolongervictimsblog.com)
• Male Abuse Awareness Week 2013 (traumadissociation.wordpress.com)
• Adrift in the Underworld of C-PTSD (lilyscot.com)