The pressure to forgive – True Forgiveness vs Premature Forgiveness

Sarah Lee Dennis experienced a sudden betrayal trauma, which caused Post-traumatic stress disorder for several years. “Forgive, let go and move on” all the self-help books said. The reality was not as easy as it sounded. In fact, no matter how hard she worked on forgiveness it remained an impossible goal. She was simply stuck, why couldn’t she just “forgive”? What was wrong?

Sarah Lee Dennis talks about her 2 year quest to forgive, and Premature Forgiveness

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What’s Trauma Bonding, is it linked to child abuse, complex PTSD and Stockholm syndrome?

Traumatic bonding

Traumatic bonding is shown when abused children cling tenaciously to the parents who hurt them, and victims of domestic violence repeatedly return to their abusive partner. (Herman, 1992) Perpetrators of sexual abuse may manipulate trauma bonds further by giving their victim the only sense of specialness, or being loved, that they have ever had. (Herman, 1992)

When a person is subjected to coercive control there are profound alterations in the victim’s identity. All the structures of the self−the image of the body, the internalized images of others, and the values and ideals that lend a sense of coherence and purpose−are invaded and systematically broken down. (Herman, 1992)

Coercive Control – Stockholm Syndrome

Favaro and colleagues (2000) found that PTSD and Stockholm syndrome both reflect the severity of the hostages’ experience, with Stockholm syndrome is predicted by the number of humiliating experiences and the level of deprivation experienced and PTSD being related to the number of violent episodes experienced by the victims. (Alexander, 2010) Stockholm syndrome does not always develop since it depends on specific preconditions. (Alexander, 2010) 

Child abuse survivor CW Seymore speaks on her trauma bond with her abusive father

I was just recently re-introduced to the “Coined” term The Stockholm Syndrome, for the undying loyalty and even compassion; I had toward my abuser, My Father. I had heard that term passed around quite often in the past and never really thought it applied to my life because I always associated it with the Concentration Camp Prisoners or Prisoners of war. I never really realized it is a Syndrome acquired by also being abused as a child; battered; an incest victim; in a cult or in a controlling or intimidating relationship. But after a conversation with a friend and a recent situation I was involved with, I have come to recognize that it is one of the main reasons I never talked about my abuse to friends or others in a position to help. I had this sick, undying loyalty to my father!

Read more… The Stockholm Syndrome and the Abused (

Breaking free

How do men child abuse survivors cope? Do they dissociate?

We must understand that those who experience abuse as children, and particularly those who experience incest, almost invariably suffer from a profound sense of guilt and shame that is not meliorated merely by unearthing memories or focusing on the content of traumatic material. It is not enough to just remember. Nor is achieving a sense of wholeness and peace necessarily accomplished by either placing blame on others or by forgiving those we perceive as having wronged us. It is achieved through understanding, acceptance, and reinvention of the self.
― Cameron WestFirst Person Plural: My Life as a Multiple

1 in 6 Men are Child Sexual Abuse Survivors

1 in 6 Men are Child Sexual Abuse Survivors

tiny man bullet point A Male Survivor Story with Many Questions

A survivor speaks about how his life as an adult has been affected, dissociation, and his fear of confronting his family. Not many graphic details. This may be triggering.

tiny man bullet point Project unbreakable

Very triggering. Photographs of male survivors of sexual assault holding a poster with their attacker’s words on it.

Forgetting the horrors of the past: repressed memories

Today’s blog post was inspired by a piece of poetry from an abuse survivor titled I wasn’t supposed to remember.

Breaking the silence surrounding child abuse has been shown to be fundamental to the healing of abuse survivors, and allows the painful memories to be revisited and processed within the mind. Processing trauma memories prevents the continuing intrusive symptoms such as flashbacks which form a core element of posttraumatic stress disorder.

Judith Lewis Herman, author of Trauma and Recovery, and prominent researcher into Complex PTSD tell us:

“The ORDINARY RESPONSE TO ATROCITIES is to banish them from consciousness. Certain violations of the social compact are too terrible to utter aloud: this is the meaning of the word unspeakable.

“The ORDINARY RESPONSE TO ATROCITIES is to banish them from consciousness. Certain violations of the social compact are too terrible to utter aloud: this is the meaning of the word unspeakable.

she goes on to say:

Atrocities, however, refuse to be buried. Equally as powerful as the desire to deny atrocities is the conviction that denial does not work. Folk wisdom is filled with ghosts who refuse to rest in their graves until their stories are told. Murder will out. Remembering and telling the truth about terrible events are prerequisites both for the restoration of the social order and for the healing of individual victims.

The conflict between the will to deny horrible events and the will to proclaim them aloud is the central dialectic of psychological trauma. People who have survived atrocities often tell their stories in a highly emotional, contradictory, and fragmented manner that undermines their credibility and thereby serves the twin imperatives of truth-telling and secrecy. When the truth is finally recognized, survivors can begin their recovery. But far too often secrecy prevails, and the story of the traumatic event surfaces not as a verbal narrative but as a symptom.

The psychological distress symptoms of traumatized people simultaneously call attention to the existence of an unspeakable secret and deflect attention from it. This is most apparent in the way traumatized people alternate between feeling numb and reliving the event. The dialectic of trauma gives rise to complicated, sometimes uncanny alterations of consciousness, which George Orwell, one of the committed truth-tellers of our century, called “doublethink,” and which mental health professionals, searching for calm, precise language, call dissociation It results in protean, dramatic, and often bizarre symptoms of hysteria which Feud recognized a century ago as disguised communications about sexual abuse in childhood. . . .”

Our own personal history is important to use – whether it includes trauma or not.

The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history.

The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history.

What reminders do we use as a society to prevent the experiences of the past repeating themselves?

blog war photos

Memorial day and the mass graves will remain long after the last soldiers from World War II have died. Each memorial day is a reminder not just of the recent deaths and injured servicemen and women, but of the mass graves from those who died many decades ago.

We are now have Laws against physical assault and abuse, and almost all countries in the world have child protection services.

free to copy & remix

Child abuse awareness ribbon


Deny, Attack, Reverse, Victim & Offender: Pedophile supporting blogger messages us on tumblr

We’ve had a bizarre request via the submit button on our tumblr blog http://traumaanddissociation.tumblr .com which is the perfect topic for the post I have been planning on Dr Jennifer Freyd’s concept of DARVO.

Dr Freyd states that

DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for “Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.”

The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim into an alleged offender.

This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of “falsely accused” and attacks the accuser’s credibility or even blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation.

DARVO Don't believe the lies of pedophiles & rapists. Campaign for longer sentences. Join us!

DARVO Don’t believe the lies of pedophiles & rapists. Campaign for longer sentences. Join us!

Here are some sections part of what we were sent (privately), which shows the D-A-R-V-O technique in practice.

  1. “immoral and intolerant” to jail pedophiles for life (!) – Attack

I believe it is immoral and intolerant to sexually abuse children or to let those who have done so out of jail to abuse more children

  1. “Pedophilic disorder is a recognized mental disorder” – Deny

Here’s what this pro-pedophile blogger said about pedophilia being a disorder in the DSM5 manual, which can be diagnosed from a desire alone to have sexual contact with children.

Denying the harm of it because it is a “mental disorder” – it is not a sexual orientation as YOUR tumblr blog stated, you also stated that classifying pedophilia as a mental disorder is “unnecessary”. It is described as a paraphilia – which I believe means a sexually deviant behavior – I notice he claims that the fact it is a sexually deviant behavior is “irrelevant” in discussing the DSM.


pro pedo blog

Why does the phrase “child abuse” not appear here? Why does this blogger NOT want to discuss the fact pedophilia is a paraphilia – a deviant behavior?

  1. “I believe that your intent was to talk about child abusers — people who cause childhood trauma. ” Minimization – a minor form of denial

Hurricanes, auto accidents and earthquakes cause childhood trauma; pedophiles cause child abuse, and the mental disorders that stem from it. They are not comparable, in Posttraumatic stress disorder the effects are more devastating if the trauma is caused by a person’s deliberate actions rather than a natural disorder. Raising awareness of these is a key part of the Trauma and Dissociation project. This isn’t so much about DARVO but is a technique called minimization – child abuse is referred to as trauma in order to minimize it. The words “sexual” or “rape” never appear.

It is also interesting that the person believes he can tell our intent. and attempts to re-define this by diverting from child abuse to trauma.

  1. However, as I said, many pedophiles do not abuse children. I personally know many who this applies to.” Deny

so, they TELL you they do not abuse children, but you are OK with knowing MANY people who are sexually attracted to children? And you run a blog dedicated to pedophile news and to persuading people that pedophiles are not all harmful and are sadly misunderstood.
There is no evidence of any harmless pedophiles in this statement. Nearly all convicted pedophiles pleaded not guilty prior to sentencing or changed their pleas at the last moment. Example – BBC employee Stuart Hall’s sexual abuse of a 9 year old and rapes of women.

5. Imagine you are a person who feels sexually attracted to children. Reverse

I cannot imagine that. Sexual attraction to children is abhorrant and a deviant behavior. Should anyone I care for feel this way I personally would want them to be kept away from all children, which only seems possible in jail. To put anyone (including yourself) above a child’s safety is not acceptable. To support those who put their child or other’s children at risk is also totally wrong in my view.
6. You know that acting on that attraction is wrong, but you can’t change how you feel.

Pedophiles rarely WANT to change, which is why they need LOCKING UP FOR LIFE. Your own blog is not about recovery from pedphilic disorder or options for treatment – in fact I’ve not yet seen a blog that is. There are many blogs of recovering from mental disorders such as depression, eating disorders, etc, which you attempt to compare pedophilia to.

  • trigger warning  – remember this was not sent to you personally *
  1. “Now imagine you see blanket hatred applied towards ‘pedophiles,’ a class of people that includes yourself and other good people you know. ”  Reverse

This attempt to classify the unknown reader is a pedophile is a reversal tactic – it may be designed to trigger child abuse survivors into horror and avoidance, or it may be another way of getting the reader to see the Offender’s side.  Either way the distraction of the distress such a false accusation causes can mean the reader spends time doubting and questioning themselves, rather than continuing the work of campaigning about child abuse. “Hatred” was not represented in the poster so this is an extra false statement, there was no name-calling just a statement to jail them for life in order to reduce the harm caused by their abuse.

Any “good people I know” who are found to be pedophiles were not “good people” and I won’t want to continue to know them, unlike your pedophile pals.

Some wise words once said to me:  ABUSERS LIE.

  1. You run a blog about trauma, so your lack of empathy for my kind is harder for me to ignore Victim-> Offender

A clear personal attack on a lack of “empathy” for pedophiles based on the fact they have a mental disorder, as well as making the mistake that this is a single person’s blog rather than a project run by many different people, followed by thousands of people. “You” feels like an attempt to single out and isolate the reader personally, which is what sex offenders often do.  The message was sent via the Submit form instead of blogged or added to a note – which would have given others the chance to offer support. Clearly this person does not want that to happen.

Remember: this blogger is talking about “empathy” but doesn’t think it’s even necessary to have pedophilia classed as a mental disorder. He also sent a picture of the DSM psychiatric manual to enforce this. The reversal is here – “if you support one mental disorder, you must support them all” regardless of the fact that one is associated with criminal activity and harming children, and others are associated with the coping with that harm. Clearly if pedophilia did not exist several Dissociative Disorders would be virtually eradicated (since they are principally caused by abuse, not trauma) and rates of Trauma disorders and many other mental health disorders such as depression, borderline personality disorder, anxiety and more would rapidly decrease.

Note: Pedophiles are child rapists! Where is their empathy for children? Where is their desire for treatment? The person continually uses the excuse of lack of PROVEN child abuse as a claim of innocence, sounds very, very familiar…
9. So I ask of you, please remove that post, or at least change the wording from ‘pedophiles’ to ‘child abusers.

Pedophiles ARE child abusers, many of them do not get caught, they belong in JAIL where they cannot abuse children. This message tells me how important it is to continue posting about child abuse.

and lastly
why would anyone think we would possibly consider stopping our anti-pedophile posts because they upset pedophiles/pedophile supporters?

This just shows that talking about the HARM OF CHILD ABUSE and the DANGERS OF PEDOPHILES has a real impact on people. Let’s keep doing it. Please share everyone & repost/reblog.

About the blogger who messaged us

I refuse to publicly name his tumblr blog since I don’t wish to increase his visits or publish audience. However, checking out his tumblr blog reveals that he now just reposts on tumblr from another platform after having his blogs repeatedly banned by tumblr. It also contained how to report such blogs on tumblr.

Tumblr blogs depicting inappropriate posts involving children can be reported to

which is the only useful thing I learnt from this blogger, and naturally we will be blogging this too. Tumblr does not block people but you can set them to your Ignore list.

He also launched into a long and angry attack on tumblr staff, including counter-accusations – DARVO again! The issues is not about his/her unacceptable posts about children but about the finer details of the tumblr conditions of service or the lack of warnings, etc.

So – here is another copy of the poster we were asked to removed. Hardly controversial!

Jail pedophiles for life
Jail pedophiles for life

Since pedophiles network, it’s no great surprise to see them on tumblr trying to convince people that pedophiles are harmless, falsely accused victims or some other nonsense. The internet is also reportedly a very useful tool for sexually exploiting children and viewing images of children being sexually abused (which they refer to as “pornography”).

About Dr Jennifer Freyd, creator of DARVO

Dr Jennifer Freyd is best known for a well respected professor in the field of trauma and dissociation at the University of Oregon. She is ditor of Editor the  Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, run by the ISST-D, who are the world-wide experts in the field of trauma and dissociation.

Secondly, she is known for being the daughter of the False Memory Syndrome Foundation’s former director Pamela Freyd, who setup the organization with her husband Peter Freyd after Jennifer began to talk about her memories of sexual abuse and rape at the hands of her father. Jennifer’s reports of sexual abuse was believed by her grandmother – Peter Freyd’s mother – and his brother, and they publicly supported her. So her parents began a campaign of harassment against Jennifer, advertising for other “falsely accused” parents to campaign with them, and they attempted to create a psychiatric syndrome which labelled their children’s reports of abuse as false and their children as sick and unstable, rather than themselves as child abusers. Amazingly many people fell for this story, mostly unaware that Jennifer’s parents are in fact step-brother and step-sister, and grew up in the same household. It is also well known that incest often occurs in multiple generations in the same family.

So, Dr Freyd knows a great deal about the tactics of pedophiles and their supporters.

If you were considering leaving a comment in support of pedophiles then we won’t be publishing that comment.

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