Extreme “victimized narcissistic” – covert abuse: lies and manipulation

This post is not about being a victim or supporting other victims and survivors, it is about a form of narcissicism that involves lying and fabricating events in order to create and maintain a “narcissistic supply” from others.

As with all narcissism, there is no empathy or support for others who are suffering, and a grandiose sense of “competition” ensures that this person will pretend to have the most suffering and worst circumstances of anyone. The purpose of assuming this role is to demand unlimited emotional or other support from others, and to reject any limits and boundaries you may set (for example, your own needs or your family’s needs).

Victimized Narcisstists - Covert Narcisstic Abuse

Perhaps, of all types of narcissistic abusers, the “victimized” abuser is the most difficult to get past. Some narcissists learned that they could get attention and control others by being victims. Their lives become one sad story after another and they find listeners and believers and helpers to manipulate. This can be a type of covert narcissism that is very difficult to understand and handle. “Victimized narcissists” are masters at projection, among other behaviors. They can say any hurtful thing to you, but if you dare to say something back, you are labeled as abusive. They can call you any name, but if you challenge them, you are being mean. They can lie about themselves and about you and they sound so honest. And there will almost always be someone who will believe them.

A good explanation of this can be found at:


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4 thoughts on “Extreme “victimized narcissistic” – covert abuse: lies and manipulation

  1. If you read the article and replace the words “victimized narcissist” with survivor it would read like the opinion of your average uncaring bigot. Although I am sure there are people who have not been abused who say they were or exagerate their abuse. This must be such a tiny number in comparison with the millions who need support and help, to throw this ugly piece out when there is still so much denial and unbelief is at best inconsiderate and at worst very dangerous. Please think before you print.


    • Chris,
      The article is specifically speaking about NPD. It is a disorder. It is real. Unless you’ve dealt with a “covert” or “victimized” narc, you’ve never experienced this kind of mental/emotional abuse. Here is an example of how a conversation with a victimized narc would go:

      narc: “Man I love that black Cadillac.”
      you: “yeah, they’re nice. I think I would prefer the white one”
      narc: “Of course you would have to pick a different color. You can never agree with me on the simplest things. It’s not like I’ll ever be able to get one anyway. I don’t know why you married me. You think I’m such a loser. You know I’ll never be able to afford one.”

      Do you see how the narc made themselves the “victim” all the while YOU were the real victim? THAT is what the article is about. And, I realize this is several months after your comment. I just don’t want someone else misinterpreting. This is a very serious personality disorder.


  2. Pingback: www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com – a place to avoid (Lilly Hope Lucario’s website) – and not recommended by Pete Walker | Trauma and Dissociation

  3. I have encountered both, and been abused by a ‘victimised’ narcissist, and I think the assertion in the linked article that “Munchausen’s Syndrome is a form of narcissistic behaviour” is an unhelpful overgeneralisation. In some cases it may be, in other cases it may be an elaborate form of self-harm that is not driven by narcissism at all. I think it is important to look at the individual’s behaviours and motivations on a case by case basis and over a period of time, and not just use labels.


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