Making a decision to feel

Avoiding difficult emotions – is it worth it in the long term?

My life as a dissociative

For many years I have avoided facing my feelings. I drank, I drugged, I kept myself really busy with work and creative activities. I drank lots of coffee, I smoked, I isolated, I watched TV, I exercised… I did whatever I could to just keep moving, so I wouldn’t have to stop and check in with how I was feeling. You see, when I did, I just felt a deep, penetrable sadness, an emptiness that left me thinking that there was really no point to life and that it was probably better to end it all. Why would I want to feel, when this was what was coming up? So I just keep moving and controlling situations and working to a packed schedule that didn’t allow for any rest. Drinking in a sense was a ‘switch off button’. It allowed me to stop and to just ‘be’, to be present…

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