20 of the best mental health jokes and humorous quotes

 

Patients Verses Psychiatrists Q. What's the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at the mental hospital? A. The patients are the ones that eventually get better and go home!

Patients Verses Psychiatrists
Q. What’s the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at the mental hospital?
A. The patients are the ones that eventually get better and go home!

 

“Psychiatrists urge me to take my tranquilizers. When I don’t they become agitated. I take their pills to calm them down.”

Brian Spellman

 

“Talking to yourself is okay. Answering back is risky.”

Brian Spellman, If the mind fits, shrink it

 

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at you 3 best friends. If they’re ok then it’s you.”

Rita Mae Brown

 

“1 in 5 people have dandruff. 1 in 4 people have a mental health problem. I’ve had both. ”

Ruby Wax

 

“My therapist told me that I over-analyze everything. I explained to him that he only thinks this because of his unhappy relationship with his mother.”

― Michel Templet

 

“A question that always makes me hazy is it me or are the others crazy? ”
Albert Einstein

 

“Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS.”

Jen Lancaster

 

“I learned to smile, avoiding happiness advice. ”

Brian Spellman, The Cartoonist’s Book Camp

 

“I’m afraid to see a psychiatrist about the voices in my head. She might know who they are.”

Stanley Victor Paskavich, Stantasyland: Quips Quotes and Quandaries

 

“They called me mad, and I called them mad, and damn them, they outvoted me.”

Nathaniel Lee

 

“The good part about having a mental disorder is having a valid reason for all the stupid things we do because of a damaged prefrontal cortex. However, the best part is seeing someone completely sane do the exact same things, without a valid excuse. This is the great equalizer of God and his little gift for all us crazy people to enjoy.”

Shannon L. Alder

 

“If you don’t belong in a mental institution, you must be a very boring person.”

Gala Siegel

 

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.”

C. G. Jung

 

“I decided early in graduate school that I needed to do something about my moods. It quickly came down to a choice between seeing a psychiatrist or buying a horse. Since almost everyone I knew was seeing a psychiatrist, and since I had an absolute belief that I should be able to handle my own problems, I naturally bought a horse.”

Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness

 

“There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person.”

Dan Greenberg

 

“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.”

Edgar Allen Poe

 

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”

― Rodney Dangerfield

 

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

George Carlin


Generation X Delusions

by Dave Robinson, M.D.

Copyright Rapid Psychler Press http://www.psychler.com

I was the leading supplier of smoked salmon to the city’s restaurants until I inhaled too many fish-bits into my lungs.

I served in the regiment commanded by Colonel Sanders in the Great Chicken War.

The dots and dashes on the highways are a secret message in Morse Code that I alone must decipher.

Somebody urinated in my genetic pool.

There is a rotund man in a red suit who sees my therapist before I do. He has a fear of crawling down small chimneys on Christmas Eve – he suffers from santaclaustrophobia.

Every now and then I go to the driving range to hit a bucket of chicken.

My career as an arsonist came to an end when I was arrested for trying to start a fire in a rainforest.

My imaginary companion parlayed my childhood fantasies into a multi-million dollar burger franchise.

I was never happy being depressed.

I was the world’s most unfortunate Multiple Personality victim – each of my alters had its own Personality Disorder.

I lost a bet that I could quit gambling.

I do not recall being voted the Village Idiot, but my name was on the ballot.

They named a medical syndrome after me called the Generation X triad: substance ingestion, amnesia & priapism.


The bathtub test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

 

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

 

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

 

“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?


 

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4 thoughts on “20 of the best mental health jokes and humorous quotes

  1. Pingback: Mental health humor and cartoons | Trauma and Dissociation

  2. Pingback: Dissociative and Dissociative Identity Disorder humor | Trauma and Dissociation

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